Life + Motivation
8 Things You Gain From Ending A Long-Term Relationship
Breaking up with someone you love, no matter the reason, is so difficult sometimes that it hurts. Experiencing this kind of hurt – the kind that aches your heart, pains your stomach, bruises your soul and depresses you until no end – seems like it will never end, simply because what’s been normal to you for the past 1, 5 or 20 years is no more. Frankly, a recently broken up person may have a hard time moving on – I’ve been there and agree that it’s no joke. However, in enough time, you’ll be able to reflect and realize the valuable lessons you’ve learned from ending a long-term relationship.
1. What you want from a relationship
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.” – 2 Corinthians 6:14 (NIV)
It’s easy to list the things that you don’t want in a relationship, but the experience of ending a long-term one teaches you things that you do want. This experience will help you make a realistic “list” of what you expect in your future spouse, as well as allow for you to ensure that your life matches those things, too. The next go round, confidently communicate your needs and wants while being open to your partner’s expectations, as well.
2. Your weaknesses
“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” – Psalm 139:23-24 (NIV)
Having weaknesses are normal, so you should not feel bad for having them. Instead, use the time away from constantly being with someone else to deeply reflect on what yours might be. Identifying this will help you determine why you may fall for particular men (or things in general). Think of ways you can change them as well as possible triggers that’ll make you put your good sense aside.
3. Your strengths
“I can do all things through him [Christ] who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13 (NIV)
I believe that for every weakness we have that there are at least three strengths behind it. Highlight those awesome things about yourself and make them better. Ask yourself: “How can I use this new-found strength to boost my career?” Make you work for you!
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4. How to be resilient
“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 (NIV)
If you’ve recently ended a long-term relationship, I encourage you to go through the grieving process. It’s normal and acceptable to feel an array of emotions from anger, depression, and disappointment. Eventually, though, you’ll begin to take your happiness back. When you reach your happy, give yourself credit for having bounced back and list resiliency as a core strength.
5. Learn from your mistakes
“for though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again…” Proverbs 24:16 (NIV)
Whoever said “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me,” got it wrong. Words do hurt people! Was there a time when you said or did mean things in your relationship? Sometimes, we say or do things out of frustration and anger without truly meaning to hurt the other person. While this isn’t always nice, it’s one of those things that unfortunately happens from time to time. Write down any mistakes that you’ve made in your long-term relationship. This gives you accountability and will make you aware of them in the future. And if an opportunity arises, send an apology.
6. What’s lacking in your life
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2 (NIV)
Removing yourself from any situation – good or bad – gives you the opportunity to find what’s been missing in your life the entire time. For some, this may be going to church or spending time with God; enjoying a full night’s rest, peace, or simply loving yourself like you’ve never done before. Think of your recent changes as a way to make even better changes for your well-being and future.
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7. More time
“Return to your rest my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.” Psalm 116:7 (NIV)
Let’s face it: relationships require lots of time, constant work and dedication. Now that you don’t have to log so many love hours, you can begin to revitalize existing relationships with family and friends or make new ones. (Besides, you could use hearty laughs and a day of relaxation!)
8. New love
“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:13
The silver lining in capping an old love is that you’re making room for new love. By the time your new love arrives, you will have developed a deeper sense of self, confidence, and a new lease on life and love. Take the lessons you’ve learned from your previous long-term relationship and use them to enhance your new one.